Om, Shanti, Om - Kitchens of India

Om, Shanti, om

-          Kitchens of India

A lazy afternoon at Vishranti restaurant, Besant Nagar

A couple walk towards Vishranthi restaurant with the objective, obviously (hello?!) to eat, when they see people queuing up in a long line with... umbrellas! So they naturally ask what the fuss is about. The restaurant engages in mobile eating, they are told, especially when there is no place inside so could they please stand in queue?

Hungry as they are, they agree.  Shortly afterwards, the waiter brings a black umbrella and a walking stick and requests them to begin their walk. The bewildered couple hold it just like the others. The boy then comes back with the food and a couple of plastic forks and knives and now could they please proceed to eat?

Hungry and tired for the most part, holding the umbrella on the one hand and food balancing gingerly on the walking stick on the other, they walk while tearing hungrily at the food, the scorching sun notwithstanding.

 Shortly thereafter, apart from the cost of the food, they are billed an astronomical price for the props - the umbrella and the walking stick - and the ‘sylvan ambience’ under the benign gaze of the afternoon sun.

Bewilderment mounts to consternation when the couple realise that they have been robbed. Angry words are exchanged with the manager in the heat of the afternoon sun the details of which are recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Dear me!)

The couple and the rest of the crowd are placated by the manager who tells them that the joke was on them and would they please accept with apologies for the inconvenience, a hamper of Kitchens of India with best compliments from ITC?

As usual, ITC Kitchens of India saves the day.

Kitchens of India does it again!

When the bride could not cook

         To home Kitchens of India the prize took

             - Kitchens of India

A South Indian bride invites her North Indian in-laws home for lunch. They express delight but decide to pull a prank on her.

 She asks them in good earnest what they would prefer and they brazenly rattle off a list of North Indian delicacies with the added corollary that she makes them all or none at all.

 The bride bravely defers to their suggestion, sharing in confidence with her buddy that hello, she doesn’t, in fact, know to cook at all!

 She wonders if her friend could  be so kind as to tell her if she has even heard of these dishes? Where she comes from, it has always been Paneer Tikka Masala or Paneer Butter Masala...

The wiser of the two sagaciously advises her to either defer to her in-laws’ suggestion and admit that she is totally at sea in matters peculiar to the art of pleasing seasoned housewives or else take a stroll in the supermarket by her house?

Moved to tears and at wit’s end, the bride eventually takes herself to Spencer’s Daily, an upscale supermarket not quite knowing or caring why it was suggested or even why she was there in the first place. Idly strolling by the brands she chances upon ready-to-eat packets of ITC Kitchens of India...

And then...

What’s this? All the dishes her in-laws had asked...?!

What happens next is an expression of utter delight and relief and is the subject of much amusement in YouTube where it all has been recorded and uploaded.

Her day is saved yet again by ITC as she serves her in-laws their favourite food. 

Her in-laws commend her on her remarkable talents, knowing full well that she didn’t really ‘make’ it and innocently remark that she should try ITC Kitchens of India. They gift her a hamper or two, “just to try”, adding, surprisingly it tastes just like hers.

Well, what would you know! 

As they say, “All’s well that ends well.”

Much ado about nothing? - Kitchens of India

Much ado about nothing? Really, KOI!

-          Kitchens of India

A guest with a large family in tow, enter a restaurant of humble origin. The guest is identified for a good natured prank by ITC Kitchens of India and the management of the restaurant. 

 The man naturally orders a large portion of food for his large family.

Shortly thereafter, a waiter comes and serves each a spoonful of food from small copper bottomed kadais. (Hullo? Isn’t that way too little to suffice even a child?!)

 The man and his family are nonplussed but eat without protest. Shortly, the waiter serves water in tiny glasses. The man visibly struggles at taking deep breaths. (A bout of Asthama, perhaps? Oh, no!)

Shortly thereafter, the waiter presents him with a bill which is the equivalent to the price of a large family eating at a 5-star hotel. 

When the man stutters angrily, demanding an explanation, the waiter explains patiently that it is the ‘restaurant policy’ as has been clearly stated in that board, there (pointing vaguely in the direction of the entrance door), that large families are served less but are charged more. Inflationary reasons, you see.  And so would he be so kind as to pay the bill?

 There begins an altercation between the good guest and the staffer, all of which is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Oh, dear!)

 When considerable time has been spent with the customer spewing venom and threatening closure of the dilapidated restaurant, the manager arrives.  He mollifies the disgruntled gentleman for the trouble caused but he adds that it was intended to be in good humour.

 As a token of goodwill, would he please accept a gift hamper from ITC Kitchens of India?

 Thank you. Have a great day!

Rail gadi, chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk

Rail gadi, rail gadi chuk, chuk,chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk

Khaayein mazedar Kitchens of India muft, muft, muft, muft, muft, muft, muft , muft

-          Kitchens of India

Scene on a long distance train

An ac sleeper compartment of a long distance train with families carrying a lot of luggage is identified on whom the prank is to be played.

 The train starts and people are settled in their respective seats when a railway staffer comes to take the order for dinner. Everyone gives their orders and the man leaves telling them that they will get their food in the next junction at 8 p.m.

It’s dinner time, they have reached the junction but there is no sign of the food. They are told much too late when the train is about to leave that there is a bit of a problem. There won’t be any food, though there will be a bill and while you are at it could you be so kind as to please make some other arrangements?

What follows is a heated exchange between the passengers and the authorities which is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Dear me!) The passengers threaten the officer with dire consequences...

 Shortly thereafter, an officer learning of the dispute arrives and apologises telling them that apparently they were the target of some good natured fun and would they so much as have food given by ITC’s Kitchen of India. The food of course would be on the house?

 Smiles and happiness spread around with the entire compartment sharing a bite or two of tasty and wholesome food. 

Each family is gifted a hamper of ITC’s Kitchens of India to take home with best compliments from ITC.

Shubh yatra (which means happy journey, quite literally)!

Yeh shadi nahi ho sakta

Yeh shadi nahi ho sakta

Without Kitchens of India’s magic and masti

-          Kitchens of India

Scene at a South Indian wedding

The groom is the subject of a prank.

 After the vratham, the groom is getting ready for the kashi yatra. He is all but done and has to eat his breakfast and then he is on his way.

But what’s this, there is no food left for the groom? Is it possible? 

 He threatens to leave.

 It is time for kashi yatra...

 But where’s the groom?

The groom storms out with the groom’s relative in tow...

 The bride’s side is rattled...

 All this and much else is recorded and uploaded on YouTube.

 He is about to leave when the mamas tell him the joke is on him and that the bride has cooked him his favourite food herself. That is why it took so long. She had to get dressed too, you know. They know it’s highly irregular but she badly wanted to do it.

Thus mollified the groom comes back and the kashi yatra takes place after the reality show ends! 

It’s lunch time and the bride is about to serve food to the groom. She summons the waiter to bring in the food.  She then coyly begins making it with...ITC Kitchens of India. They lovingly feed each other.

 All the invitees are served the specialty of the day, the bride’s very own Paneer Darbari with best compliments from ITC.

 But please don’t forget, you must bless the couple with... cash only. First the money, then see the groom’s honey.

 Hope you enjoyed the food cooked by ITC chefs. Yes, you heard right. You see, in the packet it says “Made by ITC Master Chefs, no? See?

 Thank you. Vanakkam.

Guess who is coming to cook dinner?

Guess who is coming to cook dinner?

-          Kitchens of India

Scene at a dignitary’s house

A diplomat’s wife becomes the subject of a prank played by ITC when she hosts a dinner for a foreign delegate of senior diplomats including the heads of state.

 Munna Maharaj, (Lucky Mittal’s [the billionaire, none other] favourite chef) has been flown in from Kolkata all the way to Chennai to cook for a dinner of 1000 guests.

Where on earth is he? 

Half an hour before the guests’ arrival, a phone call from his cell informs the hostess that he is stuck in traffic and could they make some other arrangements, adding that he will do the final touches, not to worry.

A visibly shaken hostess presses the panic button and calls the master chefs from Park Sheraton on the double, promising to pay top dollar for the emergency service.

They arrive when the party is well underway and so does the Maharaj who proceeds to start his ‘cooking’. The 5-star master chefs defer to his instructions as he is much senior to them.

He instructs them to put a glass of boiling water in the wok and then follow the instructions at the back of the packets of... ITC Kitchens of India, if it’s not too much of a trouble for them? A bewildered crew of master chefs follow his instructions as they empty out truckloads of Kitchens of India packets and ‘make’ the dishes.

 Garnishing the food with freshly minced coriander, the Maharaj serves up the food piping hot.

The Maharaj then proceeds to make out a bill and serves it up to the hostess which it turns out is a princely amount considering he didn’t do much of anything.

The trickery is not lost on the hostess whose voice gets a tad shriller than what would be deemed as the hysterical at the Maharaj’s antics, all of which is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Good Lord!)

In the meantime, the guests express their appreciation of the “delicately cooked cuisine” to the host (What are the dishes called, again?) who enters the hostile warzone with an innocent word of appreciation of the Maharaj’s excellent culinary skills, as also his loving wife’s excellent organisation skills.

The day is saved from combusting when the Maharaj tells of his prank with the promise that her next social do would be on the house, courtesy ITC .

Cooks in a jiffy - ITC Kitchens of India

Cooks in a jiffy,

The taste of which is never iffy!

-          ITC Kitchens of India

A scene at a busy and upmarket restaurant:

It’s a busy day at a restaurant when a young couple enter. They are identified to be the target of some good-natured fun.

They find themselves a cosy place and shortly thereafter the man summons a waiter. They ask what the specialty of the day is. The waiter tells them it is Hyderabadi Mutton Biryani and the couple defer to the waiter’s opinion and order it.

Half an hour grows onto one hour, but there is still no sign of the food.

 Impatience mounts on to irritation and the customer hauls up the waiter for some real serious answer as to why it is taking so much time.

The waiter placates them with please wait for another ten minutes, as the packet has not arrived. Every time the now belligerent customer calls him, the waiter asks for another ten minutes.

 The customer now trembling with anger demands to meet the manager.

 The manager arrives and profusely apologising says that they are in shortage of the packet...just then a man comes with a big carton. The manager takes out a packet from the carton and says oh, now the package has come and he shows them a packet of Kitchens of India with a, and if they could wait for just ten minutes it would be ready or they could get their money back.

Soon enough, the waiter brings a small stove with a packet of Kitchens of India’s Hyderabadi Mutton Biryani which he goes on to open and then proceeds to ‘make’ the dish within... he pulls out a stop watch ( timing it) ... ten minutes.

The restaurant has kept its word. Now would you, kind Sir, please pay the bill? The amount is equivalent of the cost for two in a restaurant at one of the ITC hotels.

Anger boils and fumigates into steam and the entire story and what follows is recorded and uploaded on YouTube.

The story ends with the couple being told that the joke was on them and would they please accept a hamper of Kitchens of India with best compliments from ITC? The happy couple leave with goodies from ITC.