The Other Woman - ITC Kitchens of India

The Other Woman

-          ITC Kitchens of India

I kicked myself mentally for putting my foot in my mouth, again!

 You see, I received a call from long lost friends who wished to discuss shop with me and I called them home quite impulsively to talk about it over dinner.

Not that I mind hosting, but calling 20 odd guests…? What was I thinking?

And like the PM said money doesn’t grow on trees. And I should know. I have been blogging without a dime in my pocket. (Tsk, tsk)

So how much would I have to splurge for the event?

By yesterday’s encounter with the vegetablewalah, one dish would set me back by around Rs 180 worth of ingredients. That multiplied by the number of guests and further multiplied by at least 6 or 7 different dishes…? 

I have to confess such math is beyond my comprehension! (Tsk, tsk. Use the calculator.)

And so began my haggling with a very clever vegetablewalah who pleading innocence of the rise in food prices, saying with a wicked smile that it was not he who had announced a hike in diesel prices.(Very funny).

Having bought vegetables by the cartload, I set about making the dishes.

 Tensions ran high as I tried to compete with time…everything was taking far too much time packets of ITC Kitchens of India on the shelves seemed to mockingly say to me. (Oh, dear!)

Three hours of labor later and none too near closing the kitchen, a much harried cook of this household relented to the ‘scorned mistress’ and called up the grocers for some packets of ITC Kitchens of India, on the double! (Dear me!)

An hour later, cut the packets, poured and served hot.

Everybody complimented me on my culinary skills. (Heh, heh)

Savored some moments of bliss…

Then…

Now that you have been well fed, let’s talk shop…

You were saying…? (Wink, wink)

My Daughter's Step Mom - ITC Kitchens of India

My Daughter’s Step-Mom

-          ITC Kitchens of India

An entry in my personal diary:

“23.9.2012

Got up early. Servant didn’t come. So swept the house, had bath and said a prayer.

 Thought to make some good old paneer sabzi, my teen’s favorite.

 Vegetablewalah came.

 Bought 1 kilo of tomatoes for Rs 30, 100 g of ginger for Rs. 10, 100 g of garlic for Rs 15, onions for Rs 20, a small bunch of coriander leaves for Rs 10 (Is there anything I can get for less than Rs 10, I grumble).

 I give him a Rs 100 note. He tucks it in his  pocket and on his way out shouts out that the balance will be adjusted with the following day’s transaction (which is his way of saying, never) I vow on catching him on his word the next day.

Vegetables bought, I ask the local grocery store for my weekly spices and naturally, paneer. That sets me back by Rs. 80...”

Chores beckon me. So I leave the diary incomplete with a promise to complete the entry sometime in the course of the day.

As the sun sets, I sit down to finish my cooking quickly, so that I can watch KBC on time. I grind all the masalas and simmer it in the spices. The smell rewards me for the pools of sweat that are dropping beadily down my nose. 

Just then I notice the teen in the kitchen, looking for something.

She yanks out a packet of ITC Kitchens of India and pours the contents into a hot kadai. (Blink, blink rapidly)

Within a few minutes, she is done with what she came in for.

She helps herself to a large spoonful of the curry and some rotis and removes herself from the kitchen with a, “I’m through dinner, ma. Thanks!”

 So much for nothing?! (Sob, sob!)

I swear I will never cook again…

…at least not as long as there is another KOI in the house!

And then comes a shout: “Ma, ask for some more KOIs. We’ve run out of stock…”

Silence

Huh? (Blink, blink!) 

Realization…

(Wail!)

Ma, what's cooking? Part - 2

Ma, what’s cooking?Part - 2

-          ITC Kitchens of India

Day 2 of my experiments with cooking:

It difficult to search for food that is to my daughter’s liking. So I go to the masters that I buy once in a while in search for something new and appetizing…

Here’s one guru’s recipe from one of her older books:

Kadai Paneer

By Sarla Mafatlal

“Ingredients:

500 grams paneer

100 grams of capsicum

2 teaspoons coriander powder

2 whole red chillies

2 teaspoon kasoori methi

1 chopped green chilly (optional)

2 teaspoons chopped ginger

5 chopped tomatoes…

6 cloves garlic mixed with a little water

Method (Sigh. Is there more?)

1.       Slice the paneer and capsicum into evenly cut strips

2.       1…

3.       to…

4.       8…

5.       steps…

6.       …

7.       …

8.       …”

Darn! Too much work. Where are my Kitchens of India?

Aah, here they are!

Prize one open and pour the contents of the packet into a hot kadai…

Done. 

Serve hot with rotis.

 Bliss!

Ma, what's cooking? - ITC Kitchens of India

Ma, what’s cooking? - Part 1

-          ITC Kitchens of India

I’m a bad cook. That’s what my daughter all of 22 years thinks; “thinks”, being the operative word. She eats some of the food and skips the rest. So I figure everything else is “bleh” as she sometimes says or “whateves” (sic), the teenage word for iffy, I surmise.

It’s time to cook food and I’m hyperventilating. I open a recipe book - some chef’s experiments with microwave cooking, although I don’t microwave either.

The teen’s craving is paneer and so I look for a paneer recipe...

 Gotcha, here it is…

Palak Paneer

Ingredients – you need:

500 grams Paneer

1 bunch of Palak

2 Onions

Tomatoes puree

1 inch Ginger 

Blah, blah

But as I know all this I do it my way…

But it smells the same?!

 (Duh!)

I yank the kadai out of the gas and into the sink.

Then pull out another kadai and follow another recipe from…

…ITC Kitchens of India…

…Which says: “Just heat and eat(?!) Method 1: Cut pouch, empty contents into a frying pan, and heat for 3 - 5 minutes while stirring. Serve hot…”

No kidding, that’s it?!

My daughter smells the food all the way from across her room and says, “Nice”.

That’s her way of saying it is pretty good.

I garnish it with sprigs of coriander and serve it piping hot. (Wink, wink)

 Hold on there’s more…

She calls me the world’s greatest cook! (Blink, blink, wink, wink)

So I sagely offer her such treats three times a week if she stops making Domino’s Pizza her surrogate mother!

We seal the deal with something sweet, again from ITC Kitchens of India. (Again, wink, wink)

When a Waiter is Miffed...

When a Waiter is Miffed…

-          ITC Kitchens of India

 

On a lazy afternoon in Odriew restaurant:

On a lazy afternoon at the restaurant, a gentleman walks in. He has been identified for a good-natured prank by the management and ITC Kitchens of India.

The good gent beckons to a waiter to take the order. Tired as he is, he barks out a list adding that he make it snappy; he has a meeting to attend.

Suitably chastised, the waiter removes himself from the gent’s presence and takes himself to the kitchen.

Shortly thereafter, he arrives with the dishes which he lays neatly on the table. The gent remarks under his breath rather unwarrantedly and a trifle rudely on the waiter’s poor food presentation skill, but loud enough for the waiter to hear.

The waiter, who was clearing another table, clumsily spills some food on the floor, then casually picks it up and serves the soiled food to the good gent.

For a minute there is pin-drop silence - the shock at what the waiter had done not quite registering as yet. (Oh, dear!)

Then the raging volcano sputters and spews frothing saliva furiously all over the resolute waiter’s face all of which is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Dear me!)

At length, the manager comes in wringing his hands nervously explaining that it was all in jest and would he be so kind as to wait for a few minutes, a spread fit for the Gods would be served to him in a jiffy.

Suitably mollified, the guest is served, true to the manager’s word, a spread fit for the Gods after which he is gifted a delightful hamper with best compliments from ITC Kitchens of India.

As they say, never slight a dour waiter. You never know what he might bring!

What do you think? (Wink, wink!)

The Baba's Day Out

The Baba’s Day Out

-          ITC Kitchens of India 

A young couple troops into Odriew restaurant with a toddler in tow on a bright and sunny afternoon. The toddler is restive and so they move from the general public area to the quieter confines of exclusive dining as would be the choice of young couples in search of some privacy.

The waiter fetches a bottle of warm milk and offers it to the mother of the child, adding that it is on the house. But the child appears to be at odds with himself as he vacillates from being irritable to being colic.

In between caring for the child’s needs and idle chatter, the gent places his order of Naan and Paneer Makhani and could they make it snappy, the baba wasn’t feeling well today?

The waiter promptly makes his exit. The woman takes out a container with home-made food for the child to eat. But the darling seems to be out of sorts and isn’t willing to eat it and it is so stifling in here. Why can’t they understand? (Wah!)

The young couple is at wit’s end, not knowing what to do. What on earth was the matter with him? And they try to entertain the persistently wailing child causing other people to stare at them, all of which is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Oh, dear!)

At length, the waiter arrives with the food. The couple is relieved at the swift service…

In the meantime, the child, distracted by the arrival of food, reaches out for some of it.

(Do you want it? Here, have some…) 

The baba takes a lick from mama’s finger.  And…?

Silence.

And then…(Blink)

The child wrinkles his nose and closes his eyes tight shut…

The parents are anxious… (Didn’t he like it?)

(Blink, blink!)

The child begins to drool and he…(blink, blinks again!)

…Opens his moist mouth for some more!

 (Yay!)

The excited couple beckons to the waiter and asks him to have some more of the same packed to take home. Their son actually liked it! Unbelievable!

The manager bids the couple goodbye but not before gifting them a hamper of ITC Kitchens of India with best compliments from ITC. (Wink, wink!)

A Detour...

A Detour...

Dear Reader,

First off, thank you for staying with me all this while. It has been, I hope, an exhilarating and enduring journey for you as much as it has been for me.

This note is to inform you that I will be embarking on a couple of blogs more and that I wish that you will continue to support me in those as well.

And now for the reason of my little detour…

Some of you have expressed the need for a blog on copywriting in general and headline writing in particular. It is in keeping with those wishes that I have decided to start another blog, this time on copywriting, with your support and goodwill.

I hope that this journey will be more interactive than the earlier one. One where questions posed find a fitting answer never mind from whom it came from or who replied to it. Because I consider myself to be just another enthusiast who is intrigued by a subject that has caught your imagination as well.

So without much ado, let’s on to this journey with the first blog post…

…tomorrow!

Until then,

Adieus!