De Beers - For love that lasts forever

Love is Fickle; a Diamond is forever

De Beers – For Love that lasts forever

Somewhere in Chennai:

A young and very much in love couple saunter into a jewellery shop. The management of the shop and De Beers identify them for a good-natured prank.

The young miss wants a diamond pendant which is small and made of platinum.

The salesman smiles graciously and says that he has just what she’s looking for. So saying he takes out a small pendant measuring less than 3mm. 

If you are lucky to be able to count them, then the really small nine (can you see... nine?) diamonds are crushed together, breathless for space.

 Isn’t it nice? It looks so nice on you. You can have a look in the mirror.

 The girl is bewitched by it.

 And the chain?

 Ah, yes, the chain.

 And he delicately takes out the thinnest ‘platinum’ chain and asks the man, doesn’t she look divine? Such a slender neck should always be graced by a diamond pendant such as this one, no?

The confused and clueless young man asks him the price, to which the salesman says that it is only Rs 10,000 - a small price to express your love for her, no? 

But if you look here, there is a similar pendant, exactly the same, that is Rs. 12,999.

The perplexed young man blurts out, then why the difference?

 The salesman replies, wisdom sprouting from his head, one diamond shines brighter, see, this one?

 The woman tries that one and decides that that one is the one, if he truly loves her.

Torn between his love and a crafty salesman, the young man gives in.

 Everybody is happy.

 The salesman gives him the bill which is a good number higher than what he had said it was. The young man, realising that he is being robbed, splutters his demand to see the manager.

All this and much more is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Dear me!)

The manager arrives and profusely apologises saying that the joke was on him. 

He takes the couple to a private chamber where he gifts the young miss a dazzling piece of De Beers jewellery with best compliments from De Beers if they would be so kind as to return the ‘diamond’ pendant?

 The happy lovers leave the shop reaffirmed in their belief that their love, like De Beers would last forever.

Where economy travels business class - Kingfisher Airlines

Where Economy Travels Business Class

-          Kingfisher Airlines

Somewhere in India

A loyal customer of Kingfisher Airlines phones his travel agent asking him to book an economy seat for him in Kingfisher Airlines to Mumbai.

 The agent tells him that most of the staff at Kingfisher Airlines has been ‘rested’ for the moment and would he like another carrier?

The unexpected break from the routine unnerves the gentleman who fumbles for a suitable reply but is adamant that he be on a Kingfisher flight to Mumbai tomorrow evening.

Patiently, the staffer explains that that would not be possible and could they sign him up on another plane?

Dejected, he resigns himself to another flight, when the staffer casually says that there may be a business class ticket available on the flight the following day and would he be interested? 

 The customer reluctantly gives in.  Better Kingfisher than any other dumb plane, no?

 The next day sees the customer in the plane but not before he is made to pay top dollar for all the services en route... 

(Excuse me, shouldn’t all this be part of the package?)

(But you aren’t a valued customer comes the pat, well-rehearsed reply. )

His mounting frustration over the company’s exorbitant rates and much more is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Dear me!)

After what seems to be several hours of harassment, he finds himself in the interiors of the plane.

But what’s this? Why are all the staffers paying so much attention to him?  And what is Mr. Mall...? Wait a minute! Mr. Vijay Mallya is sitting next to him? And it looks like he is saying something to him! And everybody is looking at him and they are all clapping. “...most loyal customer... your stay in Mumbai is on the house.”

The man hasn’t heard a word of what brought it on but faintly recollects having shouted Yaaay!

It’s true some people have all the luck...

... such as when economy travels business class?

Life mein kabhie kabhie - Pepsi

Life mein kabhie kabhie kuch na kuch achcha hota hai – Pepsi

(In life, sometimes, something good always happens)

-          Pepsi

In the vicinity of a football match

On a hot and sultry day, the dejected and thirsty football captain of the losing team sits on a stool of a drinks stall and asks for a cool “thanda”. 

The sweet smiling face of a burly man greets him warmly with two Pepsi cans. The captain tells the man that he is mistaken, that he only asked for a bottle of Pepsi. So saying, he gives the man the money. The man nods his head, smiling warmly and without speaking pushes the two cans in the direction of the boy.

The puzzled boy looks around the stall. There are drinks of every possible brand. Excited by his happy find, he heads towards his friends and tells them of his story.

Shortly, two boys approach the man and ask him for a [name of another brand]. The man is busy cleaning his stall and does not hear them. The boys raise their voice but to no avail.

Tired and thirsty, as a last resort, they ask for a Pepsi. The man looks up and beams warmly and gives them two cans of Pepsi each.

They are surprised and so run back and share their story with the other mates.

Soon enough, all the boys line up for their share of Pepsi which the man graciously serves them on neat and small tables with comfortable chairs.

Soon the winning team arrives and having heard about the good stall, demand for a can of Pepsi. The man gives them a can each but jacks up the price by a notch or two.

Whoever said losing was a bad thing, did not know of this man and his quaint little stall.

As it is said: Life mein kabhie kabhie kuch na kuch achcha hota hai

Don’t you agree?

When there are no hotels in the area, remember Kitchens of India

Jahan hotels hai nahi

Wahan KOI hai sahi

-          Kitchens of India

In a club in a remote area of Jharkhand:

A lady is hosting a Whist drive tournament on a Thursday evening at the club. She has made all the arrangements and everything is moving by the clock. Except... dear me! Where on earth is the caterer?

 The lady makes frantic calls to the management of the catering service in Dhanbad to rustle up something on the double! But Time is ticking away... (Oh, dear!)

The lady is flummoxed.

 Desperate problems call for desperate remedies. 

 At wit’s end, she whispers something to the bartender who nods his head conspiratorially and goes away.

The tournament is in full swing.  Shortly after the tournament and cocktails, dinner is served piping hot. The guests remark on the aromatic and tasty cuisine. Where on earth did she get such a good cook in this God-forsaken place, she is asked?  The hostess smiles secretively and says, “I’m not telliiiiiiing”.

She looks at the bartender and they smile secretively as the guests clean up bowls of the “aromatic cuisine”. 

Cleaning up is the dirtiest part of a party. The bartender has a mighty task ahead of him.

 But not when you have to clear out several packets of ITC Kitchens of India and not much else, no?

 What do you think?

Share you and me, ITC Bingo Mad Angles

Share you and me,

Crispy Bingo, quite naturally

-          Bingo Mad Angles

At a birthday party in Pizza Corner, Chennai, the toddlers are enjoying themselves. A toddler is identified for a spot of fun.

A waitress chums up to him by offering him ITC Bingo Mad Angles.  She playfully dangles the packet before him until he begins to salivate at the thought of having a bit of the snack. 

 The wily fox baits the boy by showing him a crisp chip. And as her hand approaches his mouth, she pops a chip into his mouth and cries out loud, “Le liya!” (“He took it,” in Hindi). The toddler gurgles with sheer delight even as the wily waitress hands him the entire packet. (Oh, yeah!)

Then the waitress stretches out her arms and says, “De...de...de...de...” in order to take the packet back.

 (She wants it back? That’s not fair. She gave it to me!)

The toddler’s lips pucker up as if to cry and when her hand reaches for the packet, he hugs the packet close to his chest and turns his face away...

All of this and much else is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Wah!)

 The day is saved when the mischievous waitress after a truck load of hugs and kisses bids adieu to the toddler but not before giving him a hamper of Bingo Mad Angles with love from ITC. 

Wheeee!