No Comprehendo...ITC Kitchens of India

No Comprehendo? Tsk, tsk

-   ITC Kitchens of India

On a cool evening at Odriew Restaurant:

On a cool winter’s evening, a couple saunter in. They have been identified for a prank by the management and ITC Kitchens of India.

The gent beckons the waiter and asks for the menu.

The waiter asks, “Order yennanga?”

Sorry? Says the guest.

The waiter patiently repeats, “Order yennanga?”

English? Asks the guest, hopefully.

The waiter shakes his head.

Hindi?

Once again, the waiter shakes his head.

The guest calls another waiter. (Dear, dear!)

The second waiter says, “Order yennanga?” (Oh, dear!)

Frustrated, the guest opens the menu card to read the contents and explain. 

But what’s this? It’s in a strange language! (Oh, dear!)

The guest whose patience is in tethers asks for any waiter, even the manager, he weeps, anyone who can speak English. (Tsk, tsk) All this and much else is recorded and uploaded on YouTube. (Dear me!)

At length, the manager comes. The guest is relieved and welcomes him with teary eyes.

The manager, wringing his hands nervously asks, “Vannakkum. Yenna prachanai?” (Oops!)

The gent has had it. He wants to leave this God-forsaken place, he announces.

At that, the manager says in chaste English that a joke was played on him. And would he be so kind as to take a seat and place his order? And yes, all the waiters know English and they have menu cards printed in English, too.

The suitably mollified guest enjoys a lovely meal with his companion. And might we add: his meal is on the house with best compliments from the management and ITC Kitchens of India?

Thanks for stopping by. 

Vannakkum.

End this blog, and other sundry comments

End this blog, and other sundry comments!

As promised, this post covers the gist of what some of my worthy readers had to say. Enjoy, at my expense (Sob!)

Somita Krishnamurti writes:

Dear Rajani,

You want my frank opinion? So here it is:

 Your blog sucks. It’s a terrible idea trying (“trying”, being the operative word) to be funny, so DON’T go there.

 And what’s with all the… ”wink, winks”? Are you trying to get fresh with me? For your information, I am straight, and you have the nerve to make a pass at me? 

Fie to you and your blog! Hope it rots in hell and you with it!

And you have tried to make business of it on the sly, is it?

ITC Kitchens of India, is it?

 I will buy NTR, just to spite your face. 

Post this, if you dare.

Dear Reader,

That was the gist of Somi’s email, yes, gist. (Sigh…)

‘Tis the season of giving…Can you be a little kind, yes?

Thank you. (wink, wink!)

Yet another reader, Pradeep Deshpande, writes,

Dear Rajani,

I think you have lost it. Or else why would you be repeating lines in every blog post, like a demented parrot?  I write better.

Cat got your tongue on that one? Tsk, tsk.

 For better ideas, call me…

The next one is from Tushar Ghorpade who writes:

You are a loser, you truly are. I give you another couple of months before this foolish blog closes shop!

Do me and your other pathetic readers (if you indeed have any!)  a favor and close shop NOW.

It’s never too late to do the right thing!

Thank you, Tushar, for your comment. Will actively consider closing this blog! (Sigh!)

 

Positively Speaking…

Neela Chukkerbutty Mukherjee writes:

I’m sorry you’ve received such bad reviews. It’s really nice, you know? I like it, I really do. (Blink, blink!) 

Only… (Blink)

…If you could be a little realistic here; it’s nice though, really, it is… (Huh?)

 It makes a tad too many jokes … (Blink!) you know what I mean? (No, I don’t. That’s why I am blink-blinking anyway!)

And it ends happily, although life is rarely happy (Huh?).

My advice? Write with passion, as if your life depended on it. Like, for instance, if you were face-to-face with Death…? (Gasp!)

Good going, though. Nice try. As they say, practice 10,000 times and you’ll get it right. You’re still in your first hundred, no? You have a lot of time to improve. Keep going, man. You’ve got steam worth 19900 times to get there!

Thanks, Neela for reassuring me. It’s comforting to know that I have so much time to practice my art ere I die!

That’s all for now, folks! As promised four packets of ITC Kitchens of India will be given to the poor! 

Thanks for the thought. And yes, keep it coming!

Until the next, 

Adieus!

Dear Reader...

Hi Skipper! A plea to set this ship on course...

Dear Reader,

It’s been a little less than a year since I changed tracks in my blogging and the response has been overwhelming. I thank you for your kind, and may I hope, continued patronage.

In order to take this blog a step forward, I would appreciate your feedback. Kuch khatta, kuch meettha, sab chalega. (Something bitter or sweet, whatever, will do. That would be the translation in English parlance for my Western readers.)

 Things that you would like me to write about or that you’d rather I did not …anything. This is your forum. It exists because of you…You hold the power to decide which way this blog will go. Yes, that’s right. You have the power. I urge you to use it. Let your words add more life to this blog and let’s take it in the direction that you would like it to. Because, as I have said, this blog lives because of you. 

What you do with your power holds sway on the future of this blog.

So, go ahead! Bring on all the rants and the raves. Don’t worry, I can take it. (Wink, wink).

 And might I remind you: This is your chance to get even with me! (More wink, winks!)

So, send in your rah-rahs and nay-nays to rajni.shriram@gmail.com

Or you could post your comments in the space below.

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a smashing New Year to you all.

Until Jan 2013,

Adieus!

P. S. A thought just occurred to me: how would it sound to you if your name featured in the blogs? Write in your comments and your opinions and let’s see how the story unfolds, yes?

Hungry hearts, sleep well tonight - ITC Kitchens of India

Hungry hearts sleep well tonight

-   ITC Kitchens of India

Dear Reader,

India has some millions plus mouths that go hungry every day. In an effort to comfort a few, I have come upon an idea that would put a smile on some unfortunate’s lives. 

Here is what I have in mind:

Come December, and it’s time for giving. As a token of appreciation for reading my posts, I request you to do something for me:

I propose to give a packet of ITC Kitchens of India, per comment that you write on any of my archived posts, to someone who cannot even dream of eating, let alone buy such high-end goodies.

If you are pressed for time, no sweat, relax. But may I then suggest you at least share this post with your buddies to spread the word around? Spread good cheer and many toothy smiles around…

Some hungry hearts will sleep well tonight.

This offer is on till December 31, 2012.

Many thanks and God bless.

Cannot read? Dear me! - ITC Kitchens of India

Hello? I’m not sure I follow. What’s that again?

-          ITC Kitchens of India

On a lazy Sunday afternoon at Odriew restaurant:

A young family of four saunters into the restaurant on a lazy Sunday afternoon. They have been identified for a good-natured prank by the management and ITC Kitchens of India.

Having settled down, the gent asks for the menu while the woman tends to her naughty children. The waiter brings it and politely retreats.

The good gent opens it but…

…Hello? What language is this? Could you read it for me? The waiter apologizes but it is indeed in English, if you will look carefully?

The bewildered gent looks carefully at English-styled-like-Sanskrit and reads out slowly, Paneeraha Malaiyahaa…

What on earth is that, he demands to know.  (Tsk, tsk)

The waiter very patiently explains that, that’s Sanskrit for Paneer Malai.

The red-faced gent now an ugly blue demands to speak with the manager, all of which is recorded and uploaded on YouTube! (Dear, dear!)

Sure enough, the manager arrives nervously wringing his hands and profusely apologizing says that they had been made a target of a prank all in jest and if it was alright, he could have another menu card.

Suitably mollified, the gent accepts the offer and enjoys his meal with his loving family.

The manager bids adieu to a very contented family but not before gifting them a hamper with best compliments from ITC Kitchens of India.